the wellness tree

.: Squares For Ari's Blanket Of Love :.

These are the  squares that will create Ari's blanket of love. Tonya lovingly  binds these squares together with a photo of Kelly in sight and Ari in her mind. 

Each square was created by mama's with such love and care for Ari and in loving memory of his dear mama and our beautiful friend Kelly. 

.: If you see your square here and feel moved to share sentiments surrounding it for Ari,  please feel free to do so in the comments.  Thank you.  :.

.:Instructions and dates for both projects:.

.: For those of you who are crafting for either Wellness Tree project or are new to this space I would like to make it known that like the last (ornament) project, each gift that comes in will be documented here in this space.  This proved to be a vital ingredient of the nurturing and healing mission of these projects.  Documenting these projects also proved in the past to be a very strong, supportive experience and tool.  I wish to continue this for Kelly's family and for all of us visiting here. :.

 .: These are blanket squares that have already been mailed in, if one of them was made by you please take a moment on this post to share who you are with any sentiments surrounding your square :.

.: For those involved in "The Creating For Ari" project :.

 I will photograph and blog your gift here in this space as it comes in the mail so that Kelly's immediate and extended family can see and feel this love and document it for their future memories. 

(If you have sentiments you would like shared with the photograph of your gift please let me know and I will include them.)

* Please try your best to send your gifts in during this month.

.:For those who are knitting squares for "The Blanket Of Love" project:. 

For those of you who have yet to mail your squares in to Tonya, please take a moment to photograph your square and email it to me along with any sentiments you may wish to share surrounding your square for Kelly's family to read.  Please note: The date for sending in your quilt square is now here.

Future photos of the quilt squares can be emailed here:  [email protected]

For those of you who have already sent in your squares I have shared a photo here of the basket of combined squares.  If you feel led, I would ask for you to share in the comments sentiments surrounding your square.

Thank you!

.: Goodbye and Goodbye :.

This letter was written by Kelly's best friend Kandyce.  You can also visit their shared blog here.

                                                        Kelly 

10-8-1972             5-14-2010

I have written this post a million times in my head, wanting to so clearly capture Kelly. Wanting to give those of you who didn't know her the best window into what a gift it was to be a part of her life. And I can't do it. I don't know if it is too soon. I don't know if its just me. I don't know. So instead, I'm just gonna write. Please forgive my stream of consciousness, perhaps it will provide some clarity.

Kelly and I were born five days apart on separate ends of the country. But when we met the summer before our 7th grade year, I knew that she would be somehow be a special part of my life. It wouldn't be for another year that we became close, but close we were. "Kandy and Kelly" were always together. When Kelly's family moved away at the end of 10th grade, one of our teachers asked me, "what are you going to do with out her?" I didn't know then. I don't know now. 

As I sit here at my desk and look up at my inspiration wall, staring back at me among other things are two pictures of Kelly, an angel from a card she sent me years ago, and a note she had attached to two articles she sent to me about women who had started their own business in her forties. The note says, "Kandie, Aren't these stories great? Maybe you'll start your pottery business when we turn 40!" Unfortunately, "we" won't turn forty. I'll have to do that alone. 

The prospect of life without Kelly is difficult to grasp. A huge part of me can't wrap itself around this. No more calls? Really? No more hearing her beautiful voice? No? No more laughing about our nutty children? You're kidding! It all seems too much and yet it's real and true. And hurts more than I have words to express. 

There are so many funny and beautiful stories about Kelly. Since her death last Friday, her family, friends and I have shared many. And as much as I need the stories, they aren't enough. I want more. I want her. Because, though the stories are important and what we now have, they are a pale shadow to who she really was. And during quiet times, I find myself reflecting not so much on the stories, but what it was to just "be" with her. So much of our time together was just being. Even on the phone. Our understanding of each other ran deep. 

When Kelly got sick, she told me that I would be her light to get her through this. I remember thinking, "Dear God, help me to be this for her!" I hope and pray I was. I wanted so much to be. I am so grateful to have been given the extreme honor of being with her during her final days, a gift I will forever be thankful to her parents, Chuck and Susan, her sister, Erin and her husband, Matt, for allowing me. The moments with her over the last few weeks are by far some of the most precious of my life. Her last words to me were, "I love you so much!" I said, "I love you, too, Kelly." I left the room and she slipped into a coma in the early morning. Good bye, my sweet, sweet friend.

The Blog

I wish you could read the emails we sent back and forth just trying to come up with a name. It makes me laugh to see how serious and nervous we were at beginning. I have been asked to continue the blog. I have thought so much about it. I don't know how to do this. It just feels so wrong. This blog was completely a collaborative effort, right down to the font colors. We never made decisions with out consulting each other. Never. Notions and Threads was ours. I can't make it mine. I don't want to. It hurts too much. Maybe after a break. I'll feel differently. But for now...

I have come to believe that one of the main reasons the blog existed, unbeknownst to us when we started it, was so that all of you could have a hand in this journey. Your role was no small part. Each comment made fed her soul. She was always so excited when we had a new follower. The Wellness Tree project blew her and Matt away. Nicole, my dear friend, a special thank you to you for the gift of The Wellness Tree and for everything else you have been to Kelly, Matt, Susan and me. One day, you'll get that hug. 

So this is goodbye, for now. Maybe I'll start a new blog one day. One about... I don't know (see, I'm no good right now). Or maybe I will surprise you with a post about something crafty that a memory of Kelly inspired. You never know. Right now I just need some time. 

Love and undying gratitude,

Kandyce

.: A Tribute To Kelly :.

Last evening I received the news that Kelly has peacefully passed away.

I stayed up all night reading through her posts needing to feel a connection to her words and spirit.  When I came to her last post I was not ready for them to end.  None of us were ready to say good bye to Kelly.  The first time I spoke with Kandyce, Kelly's best friend she told me of the very first time she saw Kelly.  It was in middle school and Kelly had such a glow surrounding her.  This bright light within her is the same light that drew me to her.  Right up until these last days of life Kelly was able to gently smile and let her family know that  she was at peace with this new turn her journey had taken. 

While reading Kelly's posts I came across her writing about laboring at home in a tub while pregnant with her son.  It made me smile to see a photo of her as a new mother holding her new baby bundle.  My gaze turned back to these past few days, I thought of how she was at home in bed surrounded by her family and best friend but this time for much different reasons. 

None of us expected things to turn so quickly for Kelly.  And all of us held faith, hope, and a positive spirit that she would be free from cancer and so did Kelly.  In this devastating turn of her journey I am thankful she was able to be at home surrounded by love.

Death is never easy.  It is never something we can fully understand or wrap our minds around.  We all grieve in different ways and I have found their are many stages to grief.  Through these past few nights my husband and I have had deep conversations about life and about death.  Kelly has shared many life lessons with me that I will always carry with me in my everyday with my family.  Last night Kelly's body faded away but her bright spirit never will fade.  It will always be. Her spirit also lives on through her her son Ari. 

We can remember Kelly and remember the love and compassion that she shared so freely with others.  We can remember her love for her husband and son and pray for them to continue to feel her deep love for them daily. 

Kelly shared the message of peace through her glowing attitude about life.  She also shared this same spirit with her mother on one of her last days here on earth.  I thank her mom for sharing this intimate message with all of us "I am happy" were the words that Kelly spoke to her mother Susan. This is what I want to hold onto today when I think about Kelly.  I believe this is how she wants to be remembered.

A friend of mine had shared a song  "Oh, my mama" on mothers day.  She shared it with sweet photos of her own mother and herself as a baby.  Since hearing this song I have found myself singing this melody throughout my days.  When I think of Kelly today this song comes to mind.  I wanted to share it with all of you again today in honor of Kelly who mothered her son with love and all that she had to give even on days when she did not have the health within her to give. (You can hear this song here)

As inspiration for peace I want to share with you that the love all of you poured forth into creating for Kelly will be felt once again.  Kelly's husband Matt asked that our ornaments that were made with love for Kelly be displayed at her memorial service.  

I am inspired to share with you that any act of kindness we share with others even small can be felt in ways that are much bigger than all of us.

My heart is broken  for Kelly's dear husband Matt.  May our prayers and strength be directed to him as his journey in life has also changed.  May we as mothers and women hold Kelly in our hearts and may we honor her strength in our everyday as we mother our own children and act in a mothering spirit to everyone we come across. 

The next mission for Kelly's Wellness Tree is for her husband and son.  I know how much Kelly enjoyed creating things for her family and how important this was to her.  I want to honor this through many of us mothers sharing this love with her son and husband. Many of you have asked if you could do something more and if you feel lead to create something  for Matt and Ari it will be up to your heart to decide what that may be.  You can email me.

This blog was set up in Kelly's name for her and for her family. Kelly once told me she had hoped to print this blog into a book for her son to have this love, support and understanding of a piece of his mothers life. If you feel lead, your comments here may be directed to her family. Thank You for your continued love and support.